Why I can't date ugly men...

Last week, I was speaking to a friend and we were discussing my present dating dilemma - why I can't date ugly men.


Now, let me preface this by saying, my ugly may not be your ugly and vice versa. But most people know a person that is ugly to the general population - and I can't date that ugly mofukka! It doesn't matter how great his personality is, what he drives or how much money he makes! My friend believes that my way of thinking is shallow. She says that if I would bring my specifications down a notch, I may meet someone I really like. She's a pretty boy hater, but I LOVE the pretty boys. I like having the guys that can have any woman.

I understand that pretty boys come with a range of issues. They're usually very cocky and are used to having females cater to them (which is usually where we clash, I'm not a "cater to you" type of woman). Their arrogance is normally off the charts and they expect to receive more than they will give; they are used to getting their way because of their looks. But I just love looking at them and they usually want to be with me - but we never last (re: second sentence of this paragraph).

Now, I'm a very visual person. If you tell me a story, it runs through my head like a movie. I've always been this way- highly visual. When I am actively dating someone, I like to be able to look at him and get horny. I want to think "sex" whenever he smiles. Not because this is all he has to offer, but because I like having that basic carnal attraction. Therefore, I usually steer clear of ugly men. Grant it, their pesonalities are usually more appealing and they are more giving, but if I'm not physically attracted to you...Houston, we have a problem. And we really do have a problem in Houston because attractive men are in limited supply in all races and cultures (I check out everyone, lol).

But again, my friend believes that this is shallow. I say, why settle??? I refuse to believe that every man I find ridiculously attractive will be an arrogant jerk. I'd rather keep looking for a fine guy than settle on someone I find physically not appealing. What do you think?

A LITTLE ABOUT ME: R Kelly has nothing on me, I'm a flirt

I heart flirting.

I will flirt with you, lead you on, and...ignore your text messages and incoming calls.

I like to flirt, but that doesn't mean I want you.

Some people get this confused.

That is all. ;-)

Pseudo-relationships...I am a victim!

I am a victim of the pseudo-relationship. What is that, you ask? When male associates turn into homeboys, then friends, and then it morphs into you addressing him as "baby", giving him a little kitty and running errands for him just cause you had some time to do it. Basically, it's when you lie to yourself and start believing you have a man.

I went through this a few months ago. I was giving this guy a lot of phone time (and I HATE the phone), inviting him over, offering to cook, and buying new alphits before each of our meetings. We weren't official but I wasn't concerned because I believed we would be soon. But reality has a way of slapping you in the face and then laughing and pointing like a 1st grader. I finally realized what I had gotten myself into when I decided I needed something. Weeellll, I didn't need it, but I wanted it...and these days I'm all about spoiling myself. It just so happens that I didn't have the money to spoil myself with this particular item, so who did I ask, "my man". Who abruptly let me know that I was mistaking him for someone else. And he was right, I was. That's when I realized this wasn't a relationship at all, I had let this guy get to comfortable with me. He was getting food and access to the kitty for doing no more than...nothing, actually. I quickly had to catch a bus back to Realityville, I had obviously lost my mind and got derailed at some point. So now the pseudo-relationship no longer exist and he has been bumped down to "friend" status. He gets no more food, I'm to busy for errands, his kitty privileges have been revoked and he is only allowed to give me his money, he cannot spend mine. After completely flipping the script, I'm surprised he's still around. But everyone falls victim to the pseudo-relationship - its an epidemic.

To be or not to be CELIBATE - that is the question

So I haven't updated this blog forever, but a string of bad dating circumstances, bad sex, and ignorant men have caused me to agonize over a pretty crucial decision - celibacy. Theoretically, celibacy is the best solution for a single female who is concerned and informed about her health. But at the end of the day, this female is human, and sex is an everyday thought. However, I am leaning towards a celibate lifestyle until I find the right guy for me.

What happened, you ask? Not much actually.

One guy gave me 30 minutes of his time and left after he "came".

One guy insenuated that my kitty was open for business to anyone because I didn't answer his midnight text message (I was asleep! He's such a dumb fukk!) - and he's the one I really liked.

Another guy decided to quit talking to me so that he could put in work with my new homegirl. The funny part about that was I really didn't give a shit. All of us eventually went out for lunch together and he spent the whole time reminiscing about me! Way to get another woman dumbass!

But see, these types of things wouldn't bother me had I I kept my legs closed instead of letting these dudes have a taste. I need to spend more time learning the person. How much more time, you ask? How about months? I'm thinking 3 to be exact. The next man will need to put in a minimum of 3 months of hard work to touch the kitty. I have to make sure these people are on the up and up. Unfortunately that's not always full-proof either. I knew 2 out of 3 of the guys mentioned above before I got married. I was married for 5 years and never cheated. So knowing them did not make me immune from being treated any kind of way. So we shall see. Celibacy may be the best answer for me. So if anyone reads this...what do you think? Is celibacy a great idea?

NOTE: Do me a favor, don't get into the health and human services aspect of it all. Just think of it from a general dating stand point.